Speaker 0 00:00:09 <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:00:19 Good evening. Thank you for joining disability and progress, where we bring you insights into ideas about end discussions on disability topics. My name is Sam. I'm the host of this show. Thanks so much for tuning in. Thank you for Annie Harvey, who is my engineer and Charlene doll. Who's my research team tonight. We are speaking with Tony winters, Dorf. Tony is talking about his new CD unicorns and rainbows, and about his memoir. That will be coming out soon. Getting me Tony. Good evening. Hi Sam. Good to see you again. I want to remind people, um, before we get started that there's a couple options here. If you miss our live broadcast or need to catch it, other times you can hear us on a podcast, just ask your podcast player to play disability and progress, and you should be able to hear it. The latest episode.
Speaker 1 00:01:17 If you want to hear the last two archivable episodes or stream live, you can download the app on your smartphone from the app store and you can do it that way. So we have many ways of hearing things. Thanks again for joining me, Tony. So it is been such a crazy time and it's been a long time since you've been on. So, uh, we've got a lot of catching up to do. So first of all, can you talk about a little bit about disability, your disability, this is disability and progress. So can you give the listeners an idea of what your disability is? Yes. I have a mental health disability. I've suffered from depression and anxiety and most of my life and also from some OCD. Ah, I was in college. Yeah, I understand that. That can be kind of a big deal. You can, uh, come and clean my house. Then you could probably clean twice as good as me.
Speaker 1 00:02:19 So since we're on this topic, can you tell me a little bit about like, this is a crazy time, so you almost can't get away without having a show right now without talking about the COVID thing, even though people are probably past tired of hearing about it, but it is going to be here for a little while. So how has COVID affected you personally? Personally, I haven't been affected by the illness. I've been very lucky. I've had some friends who contracted it and I hear a lot about it and NPR it's in the news every day. I will. One of my songs is about that same. Yes. And so has it affected you as far as like, are you taking more precautions? Are you nervous about being around other people about disability wise? Is this kind of preyed on a little bit about the mental health part of it?
Speaker 2 00:03:15 Oh, actually it hasn't affected me negatively. I've been feeling pretty good lately. Um, so that's, that's good. I do take precautions when I go shopping at target. For example, I always wear my mask. When I take the bus, I take the buses everywhere. I was to wear my mask there. So I'm pretty careful got the social distancing and the mask.
Speaker 1 00:03:35 Right. Well, thank you. And I'm glad that this is, I think sometimes it can be, you know, a tough, um, thing for anybody. And I think sometimes if you're really used to being around people and not having a lot of buy yourself time, I think, you know, people kind of get a little bit effected right now. Um, I want to talk about, you're obviously an artist and we're going to feature your, some of your songs in just a minute. Uh, how many instruments do you play now?
Speaker 2 00:04:09 Oh, boy. Lost count. Um, about eight different instruments and I play the autoharp is my main instrument. Also play guitar, Monica flute, um, banjo, piano, and tin whistle.
Speaker 1 00:04:24 Excellent. Yep. And so let's talk about the autoharp because you do a lot of that on your CDs and what made you want to actually learn that particular instrument? Because it is an, a different instrument all on its own.
Speaker 2 00:04:41 Yeah. I'd never heard of the autoharp until I picked up a record from the library in 1970s called mountain music for the autoharp and I fell in love with the record. And after that, I just was lucky to meet several people who were playing the autoharp autoharp including Stevie back then that took lessons from her.
Speaker 1 00:05:00 Ah, I was wondering, I was like, did you teach yourself?
Speaker 2 00:05:03 No, she taught me how to play.
Speaker 1 00:05:05 Excellent. But I suppose kind of, you know, playing an instrument is an endless learning experience, right? You never really quit learning and the practicing just makes you better and better, right? Oh, I'd like to, um, play a track from your CD. Uh, the track that I want to play is exactly coordinated with this scope and time called wash your hands. Can you talk a little bit about the inspiration on this? Obviously COVID was, but talk a little bit about the track.
Speaker 2 00:05:35 Yeah. Um, I was trying to put a sort of positive spin on it and make it into sort of add some humor to it. That's why the chorus was sort of almost funny in a way. And some people have commented. It sounded like a children's song in some ways. So that was
Speaker 1 00:05:53 Humorous songs. I kinda, it feels like a little bit uplifting too sometimes. What is being talked about now? So let's hear that wash your hands.
Speaker 3 00:06:03 Can we do, where can we go? I just don't know. I just don't know. <inaudible> strange. It's called social distancing and the don't touch your face. Wash your hands. Don't touch your face, wear a mask and say Dave, canceled, social gathering, and shakes until God knows when we cannot go to movies or in coffee shops, we cannot work out at the Y as human contact stops, wash face mask and stay in place. Don't touch your face. <inaudible> face mask and stay in place. So don't give up just zoom. All your friends, believe me that we will prevail until this <inaudible> stay in place. Wash your hands, don't touch your face. <inaudible>.
Speaker 1 00:09:02 And that was off of his unicorns and rainbows wash your hands. Tony winters, Dorff. I like it, Tony and I like how she has that little delay in the chorus. You know, when she's responding.
Speaker 2 00:09:15 That's our idea. Yep. Yeah,
Speaker 1 00:09:17 It was good. It, it totally made the, the song jump to a different level. You know, I thought interesting. Tony, speaking of this though, you've released a number of CDs. How many, what number is this for you now?
Speaker 2 00:09:29 I think I have about eight CDs now. My goodness. Yep. Um, probably this is my favorite so far.
Speaker 1 00:09:38 Yeah. Somebody told me all your stuff is like children. You're not supposed to pick. I'm like, Oh, whatever, everyone picks a favorite, you know, it's an, or something they're particularly proud of on their CD. Do you feel like you've done anything different with this CD than some of your others?
Speaker 2 00:09:56 Yeah. The last CD I did with Mary, that was a specifically a children's CD. I would all children's songs on it and I enjoyed playing it with Mary because it was inspired by her grandson. I used to, I got to know her grandson who was from the time he was born almost until he was about three and a half years old. So he inspired some of the songs on that CD?
Speaker 1 00:10:20 Yes. Well, can you talk a little bit about what is the writing process like for you? Um, and you know, how it changes from CD to CD?
Speaker 2 00:10:31 Um, actually I sort of just get ideas for songs and then I just sit down and write down notes and you know, I'd take a lot of notes and everything and then sleep on it overnight. And then the next day, try to put it all together into a song she's in the process, maybe sleeping on it is the trick. Huh? That's a subconscious do its work.
Speaker 1 00:10:55 So do you do all your own writing?
Speaker 2 00:10:57 Mostly? Yeah, I do my own writing here.
Speaker 1 00:11:00 Um, have you ever had somebody write a song for you?
Speaker 2 00:11:04 Um, not for me specifically. One person did write a song about me once. That was sort of neat.
Speaker 1 00:11:12 Do we want to know about that?
Speaker 2 00:11:14 Probably not. No, no, no. It was okay. Um, so I have collaborate. I have collaborated with a couple of friends on songs though, so
Speaker 1 00:11:29 I can imagine somebody writing a song about me. I'd be afraid.
Speaker 2 00:11:33 Maybe I'll try it.
Speaker 1 00:11:36 Yeah. I'll uh, yeah, you'll be, uh, be gentle. Um, so, you know, I think this city has, I think run the gamut. What I noticed on these CDs, you kinda got a happy go lucky song and you have also, you know, about a serious issue. And then you have a really morose song, you know, about a serious issue. And then you have some really kind of sweet songs. Um, so I felt like this piece of work was kind of a nice mix and I think sometimes people get stuck in a mood for their work. So how do you make sure you kind of switch it up? Is this, do you feel like you've switched this up the most in the city or do you try to do that in every seat?
Speaker 2 00:12:23 I think this is probably the most varied CDI I've made. That's why I like it because it has different moods. So everything from blues to the children's songs to sacred, to, um, topical political,
Speaker 1 00:12:39 I want to talk about, you know, something that I think is serious. I don't, I don't really often talk about this on the show and not that I don't want to, but I think it's so all around us so much that, and it really has, uh, affected me in a way that I feel almost angry at, um, a lot of the stuff that's going on because people are not, they're just not thinking and they're just doing, and instead of asking themselves what they're doing, how is it helping society? It really is hurting. And I don't understand. Um, so I'm just talking about all the unrest that has gone on. And do you feel like this has had a big personal effect on you?
Speaker 2 00:13:28 Yeah, it has. It's sort of scary for me because I'm sort of in the middle of the, the heart of the beast as it were because I live near Nicollet mall on Nicollet mall and some of the riots affect me personally. And I remember when, when those buildings were burning on Lake street, that's near my church and I, I could, I could smell the smoke and hear the booming sound. So it was pretty scary.
Speaker 1 00:13:52 And how did that make you feel?
Speaker 2 00:13:55 Is it mainly scared? I guess I'm even scared to walk downtown sometimes because there were people hanging out sometimes and doing stuff that was sort of dangerous.
Speaker 1 00:14:06 I knew being there, living in downtown, you can actually see all the destruction. Not that this destruction is just to Minneapolis. You know, I think many big cities around are finding that they're kind of in the heart of that. Um, I would just encourage people to, you know, certainly not get into that. I think there's an appropriate, uh, peaceful thing to do things, but boy causing so much wreckage hurts. Many businesses, makes your city in more poverty and just frightens everyone all around.
Speaker 2 00:14:43 It affected me personally too, because like I usually go shopping at target downtown. And during that first riot and made target store was
Speaker 4 00:14:52 Closed, completely boarded up because of the riots and looting. Yeah. That's very sad. I want to play a song that kind of follows the topic we're talking about and I'm called I can't breathe. It's track eight on your CD and it's from George Floyd's death. Can you talk about why you decided to write something about that? That was very impacted by what happened there, but the racial issue there. And I felt like I wanted to write a song about that because it's such an important issue. That's basically my motivation. What do you want people to take from it? Oh, well just, just to remember what happened and maybe to try to make some positive changes as a result, you know, to have more racial justice as a result of that, let's hear track eight from unicorns and rainbows. I think we're going to hear track eight
Speaker 3 00:15:51 <inaudible> I can though. I can three mama help me please. Cause I can agree. I can agree. I can agree. Mama help me please. Cause I can three, his neck pin by an angry knee. I can breathe. His final plea. Mama helped me his last words while others watch he dies on her one, man dies out on the street. Another black life is held so cheap. Will this end? I cry in vain. When will we? And this and this pain, I can very though I can three Marla help me please. Can I can three. I can three mama help me please. Cause I can three buildings burn and people choke on tear gas, flash, grenades, and smoke. Molotov cocktails, tossed and hurled wild mobs. Fury is unfor. Bricks are broken glasses. Smashed stores are looted. Homes are trashed protestors rise in righteous rage for justice and just a I can CRE I can grieve mama, help me please. Cause I can breathe. I can breathe Lama help me please. <inaudible> swarm and run a muck doors and windows boarded up volunteers with spades and booms sweep up alleys, Gar hatred. Bigotry must go. We'll overturn the status quo will grow in numbers. And in my, as we stand up for <inaudible>
Speaker 4 00:19:31 I can't breathe from unicorns and rainbows, certainly a mood changing song. Um, I think that was, you know, we're not done with all of this I think, and, and hopefully people will start handling it in a more constructive fashion because I really think that's the only way of things are going to really change and not damage. Even people who have no responsibility for some of this stuff. Um, you do a lot of your music with Mary Parker. I want to talk a little bit about how did you meet her? I met her at my church at church about 20 years ago and we hit it off right away. Turns out that she has some of the same interest in music that I do. So he loves singing together and she plays the drum too. She's got a beautiful voice. Yes. It's fun to hear her collaborate a little bit in the songs. Um, uh, there's another one that she does. I thought she did a fine job on, um, so you've been doing quite a bit of music with her. Um, and does she ever write any of your songs? No, she
Speaker 2 00:20:48 Doesn't write songs. Um, but she plays, she sings a variety of songs, everything from hymns to gospel, to show tunes, uh, to jazz, you name it. She, she knows a lot of different styles of music.
Speaker 1 00:21:03 When you write your music or go in to perform a specific song, where do you do this at?
Speaker 2 00:21:10 I've done it with various recording engineers. I've worked with about five or six different recording engineers so far. And the last one I'm worked with in the last couple of CDs, I really liked him a lot. I met him through church to TV quarter. He recorded our band at church. Okay. We hit it off really well.
Speaker 1 00:21:32 And so for the recording process, how do you decide, you know, what instruments you're going to add? Does he ever suggest, uh, something that might sound good or does he just kind of let you take away the creative process and do what you want with the songs?
Speaker 2 00:21:46 He lets me pretty much do what I'd like with it, with a song
Speaker 1 00:21:50 I want to talk about probably, well, I don't know. There's a couple of good songs on here. I really liked song one, but hummingbird was another really fun song that I thought was on this piece of work. And you did something that I cannot remember you doing. I'm sure you've done on other songs, but you played the penny with, or is it tin whistle, right? Yeah. Yeah. How to explain what the tin was all looks like.
Speaker 2 00:22:16 Um, it looks sort of like a quarter, but it's made of metal and it has six holes and a lot of Irish tunes are played on it. Ah, we're well known for Irish tunes.
Speaker 1 00:22:30 Yeah. So this was pretty fun because you added that in the song called hummingbird. Do you want to talk a little bit about your song?
Speaker 2 00:22:38 Yeah, I'd like to, that's one of my favorites on the CD, it was inspired by a good friend of mine is a birdwatcher and he saw this hummingbird nit near his apartment on a tree and took some pictures of it. And he talked about that and that inspired me to, to write a song about a hummingbird.
Speaker 1 00:22:55 Excellent. Let's take a listen.
Speaker 3 00:22:57 <inaudible>
Speaker 4 00:25:42 Thank you. So how do you decide how you're going to split up your parts work together? We brainstorm together and Mary comes up with ideas that I can think of sometimes. And sometimes I come up with ideas and we've worked together for so many years. It's come pretty natural process. Yeah. So you have done this before, but you also write obviously, I mean, not just songs, like, uh, let's see, we were talking about this briefly and you wrote a play that you did for the fringe festival. Um, and that was on therapy. Um, and it was, it was, uh, it was an interesting, certainly pick the work. It was a bit disturbing, you know, and which I think you were trying to point out as like stuff like that is around, um, not all therapy is good therapy. Um, have, do you feel like
Speaker 1 00:26:44 You have found a safe place for yourself as far as keeping yourself kind of stable and therapy that works for you?
Speaker 2 00:26:52 Yeah. I have a really wonderful therapist right now. Who's also an adoptee. Like I am really relate to some of the adoptive issues I had. Yeah. I like her very much. I'm very lucky. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:27:04 Yeah. That is good. I think, um, people, it can't be stressed enough that especially during this time, but I, I am, it is interesting how the medical actually field has, you know, lifted the bar and I used to see very, very few things online, let alone not very much therapy session stuff online. And now it's just like a given you want their puppy, you're going to do it online mostly, you know? So I'm happy to see things progressing in that way, because I think they can also reach a lot more people. There are people who maybe never, for whatever reasons, be able to come into an office or they won't because of whatever Inkster fears and now they could, you know, have that therapy and be online. I don't think that's something that's going away anytime soon, which is nice. Hopefully the virus will go away, but we will keep all the good parts that have come out of that. Um, so that was okay. Was that your first bit of writing that you did in regards to that play? As far as something really intense?
Speaker 2 00:28:19 Um, I've written quite a bit of poetry before that and short stories. So I've been writing since college pretty much.
Speaker 1 00:28:28 How did you discover that you enjoyed writing?
Speaker 2 00:28:31 Um, well I've, I've taken some really neat, uh, journal writing classes and um, they encourage people to write freely. I was an English major in college, but that was sort of restrictive because they had certain standards. You're supposed to write in a certain way, but I liked the more free form journal writing classes, like through the loft and other places like that. Oh yeah. I could express myself the way I want to
Speaker 1 00:28:56 Then you've found some good classes at the time.
Speaker 2 00:29:00 Yeah. I have. And other places too, that I belong to a journal writing group right now for Vail place. Maybe you've heard of Vail place. We've interviewed them. Oh, neat. There's a drop in center for metal metal, mentally ill not belong there for about two and a half years. And I belong to their history theater writing group and we perform our writing once a couple of times a year at the history theater in st. Paul. Cool.
Speaker 1 00:29:29 When you wrote that play, you know, you had people perform that, right. What was it like or what is it like seeing your, your writing performed?
Speaker 2 00:29:38 It's very exciting for me. Very it's like a dream come true. It's sort of dream fulfillment. Yeah. It's really exciting.
Speaker 1 00:29:47 Is it in itself therapy for you or is it just something that kind of okay.
Speaker 2 00:29:52 It is, yeah.
Speaker 1 00:29:54 You have, um, a memoir coming out I think, or will be out soon or something. Talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 2 00:30:02 Yeah. I've finished. A memoir has taken me about four or five years to write. Um, and it's traces my life from the beginning. From the time I was born in Germany to the time I immigrated to the U S when I was nine years old. And then a trace is my adult, my adolescent in Cincinnati, Ohio, and then my college and adult years in different places in Europe and also in Minnesota. So it covers a lot of territory.
Speaker 1 00:30:32 Talk a little bit about, you know, the first section about when you were abandoned and, and being adopted and you were quite young and I'm sure maybe you don't remember some of that, but sometimes I think people think, you know, when they're abandoned or adopted, it has a profound or can have a profound effect on them. Um, have you, did you find that had an effect on you?
Speaker 2 00:30:55 Yeah, I think it has. I think it's partly contributed towards my mental illness, my depression, the abandonment, because I also lost my adopting mother and I was only five years old. So I've had a lot of losses in my life and that's affected me pretty deeply.
Speaker 1 00:31:10 And were you close to your mother? I mean, I think being young, you know, at that particular age, that's a sensitive age. You tend to be closer to the mother
Speaker 2 00:31:21 That was real close to her. I don't remember much about her, but I'm sure I was real close because, um, many years later my dad sent me some letters. She wrote to me before she died and they showed how much she loved me and really made me cry. So it was great touching two letters
Speaker 1 00:31:39 That, do you feel like that in itself helped some healing? What helps you through, you know, times where you kind of get those abandonment feelings? I'm sure there's certain things in life that might set them off.
Speaker 2 00:31:54 Oh, the therapy helps a lot too talking about it with somebody who understands and then I'm also writing and playing music helps me just being creative helps me express some of those feelings to poetry and music, the songs.
Speaker 1 00:32:11 Uh, I'd like to play another song from your CD. Um, I think I may have forgotten the track number. I apologize, Annie, but it's the zoom song. Is it the last one?
Speaker 2 00:32:23 Yeah, this is the last one on this
Speaker 1 00:32:25 One on the CD. Okay. So can you talk a little bit about that? That's very appropriate right now.
Speaker 2 00:32:31 That was a lot of fun to write because I belong to a many zoom groups. Now I'm zooming everywhere. Um, it's just amazing. My zoom,
Speaker 4 00:32:40 Um, different arts groups I belong to. Uh, my therapist is through zoom. Everything seems to be through zoom. And as I was saying before, it is interesting that we have such an online presence now. I mean, most of us who may be occasionally went online or went online to do our email or, you know, silly things like that. And now it's like you're online so many hours of the day. And again, I just think that we will never quite go back to as much out as we were, you know, I think maybe some people will they'll make a big effort to, but I think there will be always a pretty good size group that stays online like that. Do you have any thoughts on that? Yeah, it's interesting because I used to be sort of computer phobic when I was younger and I've had to learn kicking and screaming about naturally tech savvy. It's been a hard learning curve for me, but I'm learning a little bit here and a little bit there. Excellent. Well, let's hear about the zoom song.
Speaker 0 00:33:49 <inaudible> in my room saying saw little windows staring back at me now. I don't feel so alone. We are to gather virtually sit in my underwear besides my kids and cat. Yes, it's me. I'm really there. Sue. Ming's really where it's a zoo. <inaudible> turn on your camera and your mic fire up your screen. Don't leave me now to take a hike. Show me where you been. We are not so far apart. Just give me a sign. We can have our heart as we zoom and Skype. <inaudible>
Speaker 4 00:37:04 That was the zoom song off of unicorns and rainbows with Tony winter's door. Tony who plays the guitar. Is that you that's me. Yeah, playing. You're just doing everything. I don't remember. You like dubbing yourself with yourself before, but you may have did, is this a new thing or did you, I was able to lay a couple of tracks at the recording studio. That was kinda, that's kind of fun. So that was sort of fun. I wanted to do the echo effect. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, how did you learn to play the harmonica? Oh, many years ago, I got inspired by Bob Dylan, ah, guitar and harmonica. I wanted to play it like him, you know, together. Ah, yeah. And actually one of Bob Dylan sounded like contest one year. Did you do it locally and Minneapolis. Wow. Yeah, that was exciting. Cool. Uh, so how many harmonicas do you have? Oh, I lost count somewhere that many. Yeah. I have quite a few. I had a dear friend who is since died, but he used to wear a harmonica vest and he wore this vest and all over where these slots where the harmonic is good go. And if you would ask him to play, do you want to play this song? He just whipped out a certain harmonica key, you know, that was in that key and start playing it. I was like, okay, I should get one of those. Yes, you should. It's fun. I want to
Speaker 1 00:38:36 Talk a little bit, go back a little bit to your memoir. Wha what's the name of it?
Speaker 2 00:38:40 It's called a born in the year zero. And I could maybe share why I titled it that way. Um, the year zero, the <inaudible> in German was considered the low point in modern German history because after the Hitler period, um, and there was so much destruction and, you know, um, so many refugees and other terrible things happening in Germany at the time. And that's when I was born in 1945. So I identify with that.
Speaker 1 00:39:10 Ah, and I'm curious, did you ever have a desire to go back and try to trace down your real parents?
Speaker 2 00:39:18 Not yet. I hadn't. Hadn't had, I had a, I have a friend in the library who's encouraging me to try to trace my ancestry, but I haven't, haven't done that yet.
Speaker 1 00:39:28 Well, you know, uh, I wish you luck if you do that, but, um, I think, you know, people have to do it in their own time and also be prepared that it may be not so nice when they find whatever they find. Um, so as long as you are good with it,
Speaker 2 00:39:46 Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:39:49 You also talk in your memoir about, um, immigrating to the U S right. Can, do you remember that process and what it was like?
Speaker 2 00:39:58 I remember a little bit about being on the boat. Uh, we, we sailed for about two and a half weeks from Raymond to, um, New York and there was a big storm in the middle of our voyage. And so that I wrote about that in the memoir a little bit, the storm.
Speaker 1 00:40:14 Were you an English speaker then? Or did you just,
Speaker 2 00:40:17 I didn't know a word of English learn, learn from scratch, but my dad could speak English fluently. He grew up in England for awhile. So he was bilingual.
Speaker 1 00:40:26 So my understanding is you didn't migrate our immigrate until you were, um, till you're like nine, right? Yeah. But he adopted, he had you for a while, but yet you still spoke German. Did he not wish to introduce you to English or did you just,
Speaker 2 00:40:47 Um, well when, when, when I was in German in Germany living there, we just spoke German. He didn't speak any English with me until we came to the U S
Speaker 1 00:40:56 Wow. Okay. So that, so when so many changes at that young of age, um, you know, learning a new language, um, and not really at like five or something, when a lot of kids learn it, you know, when you're older, but also can be harder and going to a new country. So do you remember any feelings you had about, was it exciting? Was it scary?
Speaker 2 00:41:21 Um, well, it was the ocean voyage was very exciting, but when I came to settle in Cincinnati with my dad, um, it was, um, sort of a sad situation because I was foster families for about a year and a half. My dad was working full time and studying full time and he wasn't able to take care of me the whole time. So that was sort of sad. Yeah. He wanted to, his dream was to become a college teacher of English. And that's what he did. He became a college professor. Yeah. Excellent. Where did he teach Xavier university in Cincinnati, Ohio?
Speaker 1 00:41:57 That must've made you kind of proud of him too.
Speaker 2 00:42:00 Yeah, he was a very distinguished professor there. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:42:05 When did you discover that you had a disability?
Speaker 2 00:42:09 Uh, I think when I was in college, I first noticed that, you know, sometimes I would feel like I couldn't do anything. It's totally immobilized. Yeah. I couldn't study, I couldn't talk to friends. I was just totally, all I wanted to do was sleep. And then I realized later on, that was probably depression.
Speaker 1 00:42:26 Ah, and the OCD. When did you discover that?
Speaker 2 00:42:32 That was later on, I think maybe in the last 10 years or so when I have an episode of severe depression and anxiety, I tend to want to escape by using doing OCD behaviors. Like I used to play a lot of computer games and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 00:42:50 How did that, you know, knowledge that now you had a disability and your life would be forever changed really right. You, now that you knew you would have to kind of reconcile yourself with that, how did that change you?
Speaker 2 00:43:06 I think it changed me in a sense that I'd finally started looking for help when I was in Germany, I went back to Germany when I was about 25 years old to go back to my hometown, discover my roots. And there, I saw a psychologist for the first time because I had a severe episode of depression there. So I finally sought help and he recommended a therapy group for me, a weekly therapy group. And that's when the process started of many different kinds of therapy throughout the years.
Speaker 1 00:43:35 Do you feel that Germans look at disability different? You know, the country looks at disability different than here?
Speaker 2 00:43:42 Yeah. That's something I've never really thought about. I don't know. I don't have an answer for that, even though some of the main therapists and psychiatrists, psychologists, or psychiatrists have German roots that Freud some Vienna and young Carl Young and the Adler, they're all German background. So they have a history of interest in psychology there in that country.
Speaker 1 00:44:06 We're speaking with Tony winters Dorf about his city, unicorns and rainbows and his memoir born in the year zero. Is that what it is? Yeah. When should that be coming out?
Speaker 2 00:44:18 Um, hopefully in late September or October, sometime it'll be published in a book. I found a gentleman was willing to edit it for, for free for all I have to do pay for the printing costs. So did you
Speaker 1 00:44:35 Like writing this Memorial? Was it hard? Was it painful?
Speaker 2 00:44:40 It wasn't so much painful, but it was really hard because I had a lot of, I'm just trying to remember all those things. A lot of things I don't remember. So trying to track down all those memories was difficult for me.
Speaker 1 00:44:52 Did it force you to go back and do a lot of soul searching?
Speaker 2 00:44:56 And once I started the process of writing, some memories came back to me that I didn't know that I had. So that was sort of neat, neat experience.
Speaker 1 00:45:05 Uh, is there anything else you'd like to share about your memoir or the writing process?
Speaker 2 00:45:10 Yeah, there's one poem that I'd like to share that can get a little back to the background. And this is when I was back in Germany. I went back when I was about 25 years old and I lived in a dormitory and I was one of the 10% of foreign students in my hometown, really sort of weird and my best friend. Um, the one best friend, there was a guy from Togo Africa, and I wrote a poem about him. Oh, excellent. He had a beautiful name, Ebenezer Tooley assay, Ebenezer Tooley assay. Where are you today? Are you back in Togo, land of your birth ministering to the afflicted, Ebenezer Tooley assay. Your name sounds like the sweet songs you sang and played on your guitar or like the lovely tapestries. You hung on your dorm room walls that transported you back home. Ava Naser Tooley assay, such a good friend to me in Marburg when I was floundering. I almost lost you then that I will always remember you now for the gifts you gave me.
Speaker 1 00:46:18 Very nice. Are there, um, there's also photos in your memoir.
Speaker 2 00:46:23 Yeah. There's a lot of photos. My dad took a lot of photos of me growing up, which is really nice to have those.
Speaker 1 00:46:29 Yeah. Yeah. That would be nice because almost like a little record. Right, right. I wonder, I hope. I mean, I think in the land of smartphones now, and people are very photo health happy, but what I see so much is that necessarily photos always, but like a lot of videos. But, um, I also, um, I'm kind of a little bit old school and I'm sort of still partial of photos because you have to sit down and watch a video. You know what I mean? And it's more time and a lot of people don't do it, but photos, you can really kind of, um, flipped through and you can get, I think, a really good snapshot of somebody's kind of path. Um, if you do it well. And, um, I think that that's kind of fun
Speaker 2 00:47:14 And you can go back to them over and over and over again.
Speaker 1 00:47:17 You can go back to them over and over and over again. Do you think that, you know, I want to go back to that song, zoom that you did, you talk about so many of your things being on
Speaker 4 00:47:30 Zoom, um, many things actually that you're doing. And I wonder if you feel that that is what has kept you stable is that strong online presence. Um, being able to reach out to people kind of more often than not. I think you're right. I think that has kept me connected to people. So I don't feel so alone. Alone. Yeah. And have you ever compared with somebody else with mental illness to see if that, you know, this online stuff has helped them? Yeah. I belong to a zoom group, so they'll place and some of them have the same positive experience about going on zoom. They seem to enjoy it too. I want to talk about it. Song that you did called love is like, Oh yeah. Sweet song. And, but I found it interesting. The last line is interesting, but talk a little bit about what inspired this song.
Speaker 4 00:48:27 Yeah, that was one of the very first songs I wrote way back in 1971. Really? When I was living in Germany at the time I went back as a student and I don't, I don't even remember that far back what inspired it, but all I remember is that's one of the very first songs I wrote. And at the end you say something like love is like none of those. Um, and you give many examples for what you think love is. And what was your point you were trying to get across as far as that goes, love, love is so big. It can't be encompassed by any one thing beyond all the things. Well, let's hear it.
Speaker 3 00:49:08 <inaudible>
Speaker 4 00:51:18 You can tell the fun that you have when you're doing imaginative, things like that. And the female part really adds a lot to, to write a song. Sure. Does you have, um, a good part of the, um, Steph in your memoir about you and your dad? Are you still close to your dad? Well, he died, uh, 2012. So it's been about eight years now, but I got really close toward the end of his life. We, we got really close together. We went through some struggles early on, but we reconciled and as I said, we were close. And how was he, was he receptive to understanding that you had disabilities? Yeah, at first I think he was a little bit threatened that you know, that when I was in therapy that I might say things about him, you know, that once a favorable, but eventually he supported me in my therapy process.
Speaker 4 00:52:16 That is the best. How can people get your city, unicorns and rainbows? Unfortunately, I don't have anything on Spotify or that kind of stuff. They can probably just email me and I can leave my email address. How would that be? Yes, please do probably the easiest. It's a winter
[email protected] shall spell the last name. Yes, please. Some w E N T E R S D O R F a F winters
[email protected]. And hopefully your memoir born in the year. Zero will be out soon. And um, I presume maybe you'll get someone to, if you haven't already set up a website to build, sell it, try to work on that. Yeah. That's one of my goals. Yeah. Well, Tony, thank you so much. It's been good to talk with you again. It's been a long time. I'm glad we could reconnect and good luck with your memoir. I enjoyed talking with you too, and good luck with the city. I think it's a fun and
Speaker 1 00:53:26 I hope, um, it gets in the hands of people who enjoy it. Thank you very much. I really enjoyed it. Take care. Have a good rest of the evening. You too. This has been disability and progress. The views expressed on this show are not necessarily those of cafe or its board of directors. My name is Sam. I'm the host of this show. Charlene doll is my research team. Annie Harbaugh is my beloved engineer. We were speaking with Tony winter storm, who was talking about his new CD unicorns and rainbows, and also his memoir board in the year zero. This is Kathy I 90.3, FM, Minneapolis and KPI that O R G. If you'd like to be on my email list, you may email me at disability and progress at Sam. jasmine.com. Fresh fruit is up now. Goodnight.
